Thank you. You're welcome.

"You're welcome." Two words. A simple thing to say. And yet, I seem to hear it less and less often. It seems that "You're welcome" is being replaced with "You bet" or "No problem" or "Yep" or worse yet, just a nod of the head. I miss "You're welcome." I would be the first to call myself old-fashioned in a lot of my views. I like good, old-fashioned politeness. I am sad to see some of these polite traditions fall away.

When I say thank-you, I really mean it. It is a way to express my sincere gratitude. When my thank-you is followed by you're welcome, it means that you understand that I am grateful for what you have done. You acknowledge my feeling of gratitude. I don't get that acknowledgement with "You bet" or "Yep." I really, really don't feel acknowledged with a head nod. Or how about, "No need to thank me." Well, yes, I do want to thank you. And it would be nice for you to simply accept my thanks. I've also noticed countless times when my "Thank you" is returned by "No problem." That one makes me a little bit sad. It's like saying that what you did really doesn't mean anything at all to you. You just brush it away with "No problem." Well, it means something to me. Funny, I didn't think I was causing a problem for you. Wait, was I causing a problem for you? I really get annoyed when store or restaurant employees answer my "Thank you" with "No problem." Of course it's not a problem. Helping me is what you get paid to do. (And kudos to Chick-Fil-A. I love hearing their employees answer every time with "My pleasure." Ooohh, that is so nice to hear!)

At this point, I am probably sounding a little whiny and annoyed. I'm really not. But I was really interested in an article I read the other day that talked about accepting compliments.

"That's a cute shirt." This thing? I got it on the clearance rack.
"What a delicious meal." It was nothing. Just something I threw together.
"You look pretty today." Oh, please! I'm a wreck!

Says the author, "I don't know why I say these things. Because the truth is while yes, the shirt was on sale, it is also really cute and I look great in this color. And the dinner took hours to prepare. But for some reason, I dodge compliments as if they are bullets. If I accept one, I feel like a show-off. If I admit that, yeah, I did work hard on that, it might sound like bragging. I cannot simply say the words, 'Thank you.' Or if I do say them, I can't seem to just stop after those two words. It has to be, 'Thank you, but....' Or sometimes, given a compliment, I would serve it right back: 'No, you did a great job! You really are so much better than me!' "

So at this point the author speaks with a expert in the field of social dynamics who says that we've been socialized to do that. We're told that we should be humble and non-competitive. We're not supposed to put ourselves above others. Too much confidence is unattractive. We've learned that the only proper response to a compliment is to deny it.

I agree with this author. It's time to relearn this response. Because we're sending the wrong message. And responding with anything other than acceptance to other people's kind words is a little condescending, as if the person isn't worthy of my gratitude. Says the article, "In a world where plenty of people are happy to point out other's shortcomings, I should just enjoy the fact that somebody noticed me or something I did well."

So maybe I don't think I look pretty today, but if someone else does, thank you.
Thank you for saying I did a nice job. I worked hard.
And thank you for cleaning your plate and saying it was delicious.

Thank you and You're welcome. Who knew there was so much to think about these phrases that we've were taught to say as soon as we could put two words together? For me, I'm trying to say a sincere "You're welcome." And, while accepting a compliment is a little bit harder, I promise to accept yours if you promise to accept mine.