Positive thinking...most of the time.

So I woke up this morning and felt funny about being so negative in my last entry. But then I realized that it felt really good just to be able to voice those feelings. I've learned such a great lesson through all this about staying positive. It's a little long but if you want to hear about it you can read on. If you don't, feel free to do something else.

I've always tried to be a positive person. Like everyone else, Trevor and I have had our share of ups and downs and have learned valuable lessons from each. Something that I've always taken away from a difficult time is that Heavenly Father watches out for us always and there is always a plan for our lives. We just have to trust in His timetable. So when Trevor had some employment issues and then his injury, I was able to draw on those lessons and keep a pretty good attitude. Then very shortly after when I was injured I kept telling myself, "This too shall pass...Everything will work out...It's only another bump in the road..." Even when it happened I held it together pretty well because I didn't want to upset those around me. For the first 2 weeks I really wasn't too upset or deeply saddened about what had happened. I shifted back into my positive thinking mode. Well, after week 2 I woke up one morning and had no desire to get out of bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone or shower or anything. Finally after awhile Trevor came in and I bawled my eyes out. I told him that I was in a terrible accident and it was terrifying and it was really painful. He seemed surprised that I seemed to be restating the obvious but it was something that I really needed to say, to actually put into words and tell someone. It was a phase of grief or trauma or whatever you want to call it that I had skipped over. Yes, being positive is so important. Our spirits know what is best and that is where our strength in trials comes from. But I think that our physical bodies need the chance to mourn, to grieve, to be sad, to feel sorry for ourselves for just a little while and then we can get on with getting better. I realized that in my quest for staying positive that I hadn't acknowledged what had happened and been scared and sad and hurt about it. I did get up and go on with my day after that. But a few days later I was watching a show on BYU TV where some professors were discussing the story of the healing of Lazarus. When Jesus came to his house after Lazarus had died, Jesus knew that He was going to heal Lazarus. Without a doubt, He knew that everything was going to work out. But John 11:35 says that, "Jesus wept." He was saddened by the situation. He was sad to see the people that He loved so upset. He was by far the most positive thinker ever, and was absolutely sure of a positive outcome and yet He wept over the situation. As you can imagine, I wept as I listened to that lesson being taught. I felt that it was just for me. I personally believe that we are being too hard on ourselves if we don't allow ourselves to be hurt or sad or lonely or whatever negative emotion we may experience. It doesn't mean that our testimony is going to be shaken or that we don't trust in Heavenly Father's plan for us. It just means that we live in imperfect bodies in a very imperfect world and that is hard. We are experincing opposition. I think the benefit from experiencing those emotions is that it leads us to draw closer to the Lord for help, healing and comfort. And that is something that we all need.